{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11699761","dateCreated":"1241448027","smartDate":"May 4, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"claire2849","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/claire2849","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11699761"},"dateDigested":1532767415,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"I like the idea of the earth's rotation stopping...that's a very interesting idea. Throughout the story you did a very good job developing a mood of desperation and darkness with descriptions of the dark neighborhood and Sheryl's struggle to travel to Greenland. I didn't really understand some parts of the story, though, like the part about the boiled bodies. I also got confused about Alana's characterization. You said that she often tried to make her mother happy but then that she was always lying motionless and expressionless on the floor when her mother came home. Maybe you could form a more concrete characterization of Alana as being more depressed than eager to make her mother happy.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11431709","dateCreated":"1240587162","smartDate":"Apr 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"fidan1993","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/fidan1993","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1235147613\/fidan1993-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11431709"},"dateDigested":1532767415,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"Interesting story, it was a little choppy, and confusing.
\nI liked the idea, and how you incorporated the sunlight and made it hold significance.
\n
\n:]","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11602039","body":"i really liked this story too, but i have to agree with fidan that part were a bit choppy and confusing. some parts also did not flow really well. those can easily be fixed with some revising. it was very creative though. i like it.","dateCreated":"1241102968","smartDate":"Apr 30, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"tylerjlhs","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/tylerjlhs","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"11431427","dateCreated":"1240586851","smartDate":"Apr 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"mmcferran","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mmcferran","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11431427"},"dateDigested":1532767415,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"Awesome story! Sometimes tough to understand but really good over all. I would go back, check for spelling and reorganize the main Ideas.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11345987","dateCreated":"1240414283","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"xChangetheStars","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/xChangetheStars","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11345987"},"dateDigested":1532767415,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"Interesting alteration. You painted a good picture of what the dark side would be like\u2014the increased crime rate, depression, dreariness, desolation\u2026all quite believable and likely, particularly since sunlight is necessary to mental and physical health. I liked the way you said her eyes had turned from bright emerald to the color of dishwater, great and meaningful imagery. Successful, subtle perspective changes from Sheryl to Alana. All in all, really well done :)
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\n\u201cEven through the darkest clouds, there is some evidence of light: enough to walk outside at noon in July without a flashlight. Even through the darkest clouds, there is comfort in the fact that the sun will shine again.
\nAlana knew the Eastern Hemisphere was equally horrific to her Cleveland home. African immigrants had described how those living on Lake Victoria were cooked alive due to the heat of the boiling water. With plants wilting away, and the following deaths of herbivores, then carnivores, Alana had been afraid to ask what the neighboring tribes had done with the broiled bodies.\u201d \u2013maybe clarify this a bit. It is a little muddled as to your implications. Why is there comfort that the sun will shine again when the darkness is \u201cperpetual\u201d? Is it metaphorical? I probably missed the purpose, but thinking about it now, if it is intended as metaphor, it doesn\u2019t quite seem to fit since the story ends in further darkness just when it seems sunlight might rise before them. What about the African Immigrants? It is slightly unclear to me, but that could just be me.
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\n\u201cSeen the stress lines\u201d \u2013seen doesn\u2019t really work here\u2026perhaps \u201cseeing\u201d or \u201cnoticing\u201d or \u201cwitnessing\u201d . There is also a tense change further along in that sentence, so the sentence doesn\u2019t quite make sense (\u201cAlana knew\u201d).
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\nGreat story! :)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11345167","dateCreated":"1240413284","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"kaygeo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/kaygeo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11345167"},"dateDigested":1532767415,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"This was a very interesting and creative story. I think it was such a good idea to write a story about the Earth not rotating. So clever! I was glued to the screen as I was reading it. The ending was very surprising, I didn't expect it at all.
\nSome parts of your story need to be revised for clarity, as some parts were confusing as a reader. I also saw some grammatical and spelling errors.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11344563","dateCreated":"1240412556","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"allie4522","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/allie4522","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237993324\/allie4522-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11344563"},"dateDigested":1532767415,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comment","description":"I really enjoyed this story. The idea was creative and unique. The ending was great, it added to the whole idea that there wasn't much hope left.
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\nOne of the things I didn't like was that the plot wasn't very well thought out, the idea was good, but there wasn't a whole story to it. If you revise it though and change somethings, then it will be alot better.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11272011","dateCreated":"1240241723","smartDate":"Apr 20, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"oliviah15","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/oliviah15","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1222128529\/oliviah15-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11272011"},"dateDigested":1532767416,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"story 1","description":"i liked the idea of your story with the light and the dark. I never thought of that before. I would read through making sure to add words and watch punctation. I thought the ending was a bit confusing and for me there was a little too much description. Maybe more dialoque.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11342817","body":"I agree, it was pretty confusing at the end. It needed more clarification as to who the people were","dateCreated":"1240410275","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"wihbeyj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/wihbeyj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"11271937","dateCreated":"1240241634","smartDate":"Apr 20, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"Shayna_Jenkins","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Shayna_Jenkins","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1224158020\/Shayna_Jenkins-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11271937"},"dateDigested":1532767416,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Alternative History","description":"The idea that world would stop turnng was very creative. I also felt that the names of the people seemed to fit their age, and didn't seem too young. But the story did seem a bit overdramatic and exaggerated, especially with Alana killing herself at the end, holding the Grey Goose. Also, the word "perpetual" was repeated often, and detracted from the story.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11271409","dateCreated":"1240241034","smartDate":"Apr 20, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"desiree377","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/desiree377","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11271409"},"dateDigested":1532767416,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comment","description":"Positive: I really liked reading this, the idea of the world stopping it's rotation was brilliant. I like the plot a lot too.
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\nNegative: There was a lot going on and many ideas that were unexplained. If you could elaborate more on some of it that would be great and make the story a little less confusing. It's almost like there is more than one story in this.
\n
\nOverall, I really enjoyed this. The ending was my favorite part.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11343015","body":"this story is one to really catch a readers attention with the fact that this being a possibility of happening, scares everyone. the plot of the story is good.
\n
\nlike desiree said, there were a few parts that were a little jumbled and confusing. clearing some of the areas of the story up would make it flow a little better.
\n
\ngood job!","dateCreated":"1240410541","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"tylerjlhs","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/tylerjlhs","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"11431341","body":"like desiree said the idea was absolutely awesome! It was confusing at points but some organization would make it much better","dateCreated":"1240586772","smartDate":"Apr 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"mmcferran","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mmcferran","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"11271363","dateCreated":"1240240994","smartDate":"Apr 20, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dimariad","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dimariad","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11271363"},"dateDigested":1532767416,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"i thought it was a really good choice for an alternate history. it was really creative and there were alot of good word choices in it. however i think you used "perpetual" too close together. and the story was a little confusing, the part about moving to greenland ended up having to point to it. and i dont think you need to add mrs. baker when your talking about her neighbor. you could just say her neighbor. because the names did get a little confusing. but it was a good story!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11345565","body":"I agree that the word "perpetual" is used quite a bit and that the story needs some clarification. This was a very creative story!","dateCreated":"1240413769","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"kaygeo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/kaygeo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}