{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11602981","dateCreated":"1241103954","smartDate":"Apr 30, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dsk23","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dsk23","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11602981"},"dateDigested":1532767429,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"THis story was really cute and it was a creative way to go in terms of the government. I would consider revising the last sentences. You start off with a strong entrance to the story and leave with more of a muted, unexcited one, eventhough the girl is getting married to Adian.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11702973","body":"I agree that the ending should be more excited, but also that this is a really cute story. No one had chosen to infuse their alt history story with romance before this. Still, the last sentence kind of dulls the excitement of the unexpected, forbidden proposal. Maybe you could detail the kiss more and the happiness Kennedy feels and end it there, rather than ending the story with the parents arguing.","dateCreated":"1241451089","smartDate":"May 4, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"claire2849","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/claire2849","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"11576723","dateCreated":"1241040128","smartDate":"Apr 29, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"mmcferran","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mmcferran","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11576723"},"dateDigested":1532767429,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"This is one of my favorite stories! I love the idea, the romance adn the tone. Very well written,well explained and simply genius. I loved it!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11345865","dateCreated":"1240414130","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"allie4522","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/allie4522","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237993324\/allie4522-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11345865"},"dateDigested":1532767429,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"I didn't perticularly like this story. I think you could have elborated on Adian and Kenedy's relationship because it seems like he just decided to fall in love with her. That would improve it. Also in this sentence "I paused then back tracked." you should but a comma after "paused".","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11345445","dateCreated":"1240413615","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"desiree377","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/desiree377","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11345445"},"dateDigested":1532767429,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"This story was so cute. It's every girls dream to be with her dream guy and this showed that in a really creative and interesting way.
\nOne thing I didn't like was the ending after him proposing. It might have been better if you ended with her saying yes, rather then it saying his parents we're furious and discussing 'them'.
\nOver all this was a fantastic story, I loved it.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11345005","dateCreated":"1240413087","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dimariad","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dimariad","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11345005"},"dateDigested":1532767429,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"this story kind of reminded me of Cinderella. like the way the royal family was treating the maid badly but then the maid marries the prince in the end. i liked it. only, i would change up the ending a bit, because the last sentence was a bit weak. and when your talking about how George Washington became King of America youcould probably elaborate more on that because it doesnt seem like its supposed to be there","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11345695","body":"I agree with Dominique on this, this was exactly my thought, a disney movie, Cinderella. On how she had to be waiting on Albert hand and food. Also, yes, the King of America sentense was very vaguely written.","dateCreated":"1240413967","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"etreb","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/etreb","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"11344915","dateCreated":"1240412977","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"oliviah15","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/oliviah15","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1222128529\/oliviah15-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11344915"},"dateDigested":1532767430,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"story 5","description":"this was a really cute story and was a unigue alternate history story. I would never hav thought of that before. I did feel it was bit rushed but i kno its hard because of the word limit. I think that you should have eleborated more on the relationship about Kennedy and Aiden, like talk about how they have been feeling the same way for each for a while. Besides that though the story was really good.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11344319","dateCreated":"1240412305","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"Shayna_Jenkins","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Shayna_Jenkins","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1224158020\/Shayna_Jenkins-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11344319"},"dateDigested":1532767430,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comment","description":"I really liked this story. It was very well written and I stayed interested through the whole thing and wanted to read more. I was kind of surprised at the end too. Overall, I felt this was a really good story. But, I did feel that the last sentence wasn't very strong, and therefore detracted from the story. A stronger, more thought provoking ending sentence would leave the reader thinking about the story for longer.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11345165","body":"i agree with the fact that the ending sentence seems a bit weak. i think that even if you just ended with
\n"His parents were furious."
\nit would have been stronger and more finite","dateCreated":"1240413284","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"LDion","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/LDion","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237476747\/LDion-lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"11344073","dateCreated":"1240411956","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"etreb","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/etreb","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11344073"},"dateDigested":1532767430,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comment","description":"
\nPositive: It really enjoyed the way you choose to change the American government. It created me to have an immense amount of thoughts during my reading, I really started to think of what if this type of thing were to really happen. We are always hearing this stories of dictatorship but it would be a whole new story to actually live in one. Also, I really liked the name Bambi.
\n
\nNegative: I thought you could have been more creative in making a new for the leader of our country, instead of "King of America". It sounds to much like the policy of England. I would have also liked to see how the government ran, if it was a dictorship, did it enforce communist views, etc.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11344825","body":"I also thought that Bambi was a quality name. There should definitly be more Bambi's out there. I liked how sudden Aidan proposed to the maid. It made the story more interesting. However, I thought that you should have talked more about how his parents didnt want the prince to marry a cleaning lady. Say in the beginning and middle parts more about how the parents didnt like the cleaning lady or something like that.","dateCreated":"1240412830","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"wihbeyj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/wihbeyj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"11346037","body":"Joey, I think you should name your child Bambi.","dateCreated":"1240414336","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"allie4522","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/allie4522","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237993324\/allie4522-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"11346147","body":"Joey is right Bambi is a quality name. I agree with Eamon that changing the American government was a great idea. Just thinking that one wrong or different move back then could have made ours today completely different. i would have liked a more drastic change and maybe show how it changed the future. good story.","dateCreated":"1240414435","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"DrewGauvain","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/DrewGauvain","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237994231\/DrewGauvain-lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]}],"more":false},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}