{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11701969","dateCreated":"1241450290","smartDate":"May 4, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"claire2849","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/claire2849","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11701969"},"dateDigested":1532767432,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"This is a very interesting idea. Because of the way the story is written, the reader can pick up on the narrator's nagativity on the super-heroes' place in the world and what happens to them which helps them detect the mood and tone of the story. I agree with Oliviah that it does read almost like an introduction to a longer book than a short story. I noticed that there are a few really lengthy paragraphs, and it might be a good idea to break them up into several smaller ones. Another suggestion is making the narrator more involved in the story. It seems like this is intended to be the narrator reflecting on his experiences, but it sometimes doesn't seem like they are his experiences at all. Except for the retelling of his father's death, I wouldn't have thought he was involved in the story at all, just a third person omniscient narrator. I suggest that you try to involve the narrator more and divide the longer paragraphs up.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11602627","dateCreated":"1241103632","smartDate":"Apr 30, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dsk23","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dsk23","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11602627"},"dateDigested":1532767432,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment ","description":"Even though I'm not sure if this is really alternate history, I really enjoyed the plot. I like the irony of how the superheros' lives were horribly affected and how many of them became insane or unstable. It was an interesting twist.
\nIn the end I would clear up
\n"Some of the Guard were angry, but for most, the day that act was passed was the best day of their lives."
\n
\nwho was "most"?","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11527503","dateCreated":"1240932664","smartDate":"Apr 28, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"mmcferran","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mmcferran","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11527503"},"dateDigested":1532767432,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"coment","description":"I liked the allusion to the gaurd. In the begining it sounded alittle bit like the incredibles but I like how you put your own twist on it. Overall very well written but you might want to clarify exactly what these people were. You had some contradiction on that part. You said they weren't like the police but that they also weren't like "magic" superheros. Just clarify that and you will be all set. Great Story!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11345811","dateCreated":"1240414076","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"kaygeo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/kaygeo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11345811"},"dateDigested":1532767432,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"This was a very unique and creative story. I enjoyed it a lot. The idea of writing about super heroes was very clever, I wouldn't have thought of that myself.
\nOne thing that could use some attention is the action of the story. Where is it? I think this will draw the reader in more and become one with the characters. If you are concerned about the word count, maybe cut out some of the descriptions to add some action.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11345153","dateCreated":"1240413270","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"desiree377","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/desiree377","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11345153"},"dateDigested":1532767432,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comment","description":"I like the plot of this, it reminds me of Spiderman or Batman. I didn't think that 'The Gaurd' would turn out to be a bad thing, it was actually really surprising. It makes you wonder if there are any so called "super heroes" in our world today that aren't the police, firefighters, EMT's, etc.
\nI would have liked this to be extended a bit or maybe have some action in it. It got boring to read because nothing excting was happening. It reads like an auto-biography or something of that sort.
\nI enjoyed reading it though, your idea was creative.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11344499","dateCreated":"1240412496","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"oliviah15","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/oliviah15","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1222128529\/oliviah15-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11344499"},"dateDigested":1532767432,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"story 4","description":"I enjoyed this story. It seemed like the beginning of a novel though and not much of a short story; however i did enjoy it. I didnt prefer the ending with the super heroes giving up but that could just be an opinion based thing. I think you should try to add more dioloque if possible. maybe change it to have the main character telling a story to his son or something like that.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11430967","body":"I agree with Olivia, as I too believe that it would be a great thing to have this story being told by a father to his son.
\n
\nThis story was very creative.","dateCreated":"1240586374","smartDate":"Apr 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"kaygeo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/kaygeo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"11344471","dateCreated":"1240412463","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"wihbeyj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/wihbeyj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11344471"},"dateDigested":1532767433,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comment","description":"I loved the whole idea of ordinary people becoming superheroes. Everybody always thinks of what would happen if they could be a superhero and make a difference. I also liked how being a superhero messed with their brains. Thats one aspect I never thought of and it makes sense. The one thing that I didnt like was how there was no actual action. It was just a summary of events. It coudl have used more emotion","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11345383","body":"i agree with Joey. I always need some action in the story. It would have made it more exciting. I do like that the superheros suffered mental damage becuase I have always wondered and thought they would.
\nAgain if there was action the story would have been better. Maybe add some of the child fighting crime like the father did.","dateCreated":"1240413511","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"DrewGauvain","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/DrewGauvain","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237994231\/DrewGauvain-lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"11344395","dateCreated":"1240412384","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dimariad","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dimariad","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11344395"},"dateDigested":1532767433,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"i liked this story and how the gaurd was helping the people but they were like hiding who they were. and when you talk about the after affects, they really make sense and i think it was good that you put them in the story. but i think if you described some things less and put in a little part about one of things that happend to the main character while he was in the gaurd it would make it more of a story rather than like a re-tell","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"11343667","dateCreated":"1240411485","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"kim-berry","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/kim-berry","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1240585481\/kim-berry-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11343667"},"dateDigested":1532767433,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"This story was really, really good. Reminded me of Watchmen but maybe that\u2019s only me. Some of the sentences have structural problems that need to be looked at, well at least grammatical errors such as:
\n
\nUnfortunately though, whenever there is good in the world there is also evil and it\u2019s not always in the form you think it\u2019d to take.
\n
\nI think you could take the word \u2018to\u2019 out of the sentence since it just makes the entire thing confusing.
\n
\nAlso I think if you remove the whole ban thing at the end, or at least make it a little different, something like the \u2018supers\u2019 died out, it would sound less like Watchmen. I\u2019ve never seen the movie but from the looks of it, it seems really similar.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11344159","body":"i actually disagree with taking the ban thing out. i thought it was a good way to end it and it didnt leave any questions","dateCreated":"1240412068","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dimariad","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dimariad","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"11343555","dateCreated":"1240411388","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"etreb","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/etreb","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11343555"},"dateDigested":1532767433,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comment","description":"
\nPositive: I always find it interesting how different people can get such different ideas from such a distinct topic as history. I really like when you did with incorporating "super-heroes" with regular people. It really got me thinking what would it be like if we really had "The Guard".
\n
\nNegative: At the beginning of the story I was somewhat confused if these people were actually "super-heroes" but I eventually got it. It would be largly benefical to eliminate the vagueness at the beginning.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11344155","body":"I agree that this story really got me thinking about what the world would be like if there really were superheroes. I also thought it was really creative how they were referred to as "The Guard". But, I felt that it was very rushed and there was no one point on at which the story peaked, therefore therer was almost no suspence.","dateCreated":"1240412061","smartDate":"Apr 22, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"Shayna_Jenkins","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Shayna_Jenkins","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1224158020\/Shayna_Jenkins-lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}