{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"10791204","dateCreated":"1238683377","smartDate":"Apr 2, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"katieob","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/katieob","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10791204"},"dateDigested":1532767449,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment ghost story 8","description":"I enjoyed the consistent suspense of the protagonists' death obsession. The ending totally ties the story together. The short sentences used for the ending make it stand out. Wonderful!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10731970","dateCreated":"1238550735","smartDate":"Mar 31, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"fidan1993","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/fidan1993","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1235147613\/fidan1993-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10731970"},"dateDigested":1532767449,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comments","description":"Creative, interesting, unique, it was easy to follow and wasn't confusing
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\nNegative: better description
\nbetter flow","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10706878","dateCreated":"1238512343","smartDate":"Mar 31, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"xChangetheStars","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/xChangetheStars","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10706878"},"dateDigested":1532767449,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"I like the inclusion of the stifling air in the room as it helps create that sensation of feeling oppressed\/trapped\/etc\u2014-breeding grounds for paranoia, insanity, poor mental state in general. Almost reminds me of the novel Crime and Punishment a little. I also like your use of metaphor and the repetition of his reflection. The integration of quotes (from memory, newspaper, etc) works really well. The story is very interesting and different, it definitely held my interest and attention throughout. It is interesting how you chose to incorporate the irony of death after the character was recently saved from death\/avoided death and is only just entering the \u201csunlight\u201d (nice metaphor use) and beginning to see hope.
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\n \u201cstranger grabbing the hood of my jacket and pulling me back from the curb, milliseconds before a screaming ambulance flies by had barely saved me\u201d\u2014I think saying the \u201cstranger who grabbed\u201d instead of grabbing might work better here.
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\nI think the ending might be slightly stronger with the use of the word \u201cdeath\u201d instead of dead. I know it is a very minor detail and of course it is not necessary at all. I just thought I would throw it out there.
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\n:)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"10794346","body":"Its funny you said to change the last word to Death beacuse I did before I read this. Thanks, your comments were helpful!","dateCreated":"1238686189","smartDate":"Apr 2, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dsk23","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dsk23","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"10609136","dateCreated":"1238172223","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"desiree377","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/desiree377","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10609136"},"dateDigested":1532767449,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"This was really intense. I could picture every thing that was happening. The discription of her actions was done really well. I loved the ending. I had no idea that was coming...I thought that the guy she was approached by in the begining was going to come back. There were a few grammer errors that you might want to fix, but other then at this was well done.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10606134","dateCreated":"1238167560","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"butwills","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/butwills","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10606134"},"dateDigested":1532767449,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"I love how you open with the main character struggling to sleep. It really portrays the deeper level to which the incident affected her.
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\n\u201cA sensation comes over me. Someone else is in the room with me, even though there is no one but me and my thoughts.\u201d This concept really helps to set the mood in your story; however the wording is a little confusing. Maybe try saying that \u201cA sensation that someone else is the room comes over me.\u201d When I initially read this, the way its worded now I thought that there was actually somebody in the room.
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\nI love the character\u2019s paranoia. As I was reading your story, some of the paranoia began to rub off on me.
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\nYour character\u2019s state of mind comes across really strongly by your use of repetition \u201cAmazing how quickly your life can change in one instance. Amazing how quickly your life can end in one instance\u201d
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\nAs a whole, your story was amazing. There\u2019s nothing supernatural about it, which makes it haunting effect especially intense because it is so close to home. I truly enjoyed reading your story.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10606050","dateCreated":"1238167410","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"claire2849","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/claire2849","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10606050"},"dateDigested":1532767450,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"I think the ending was the best part of this story. It was a really effective way of wrapping up the theme of coincidences not existing and the character's inevitable untimely death. All throughout the story I was expecting the character to die, and that was an excellent way to do it.
\nWhat I didn't like as much in this story was the explanation of the character's troubles. The beginning of the story made me think that the rest would explain a conflict between the character and a stalker, and then the description of the character's face in the coffee shop window made me wonder if the focus was more on supernatural demons or something like that. I couldn't really pinpoint the character's haunting. Maybe you should choose one aspect of the character's haunting and develop it really well instead of having mulitple elements to it.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10606046","dateCreated":"1238167391","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"kaygeo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/kaygeo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10606046"},"dateDigested":1532767450,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"This was a very well-developed story. It was interesting and kept me occupied. The story is dramatic and suspensful, almost like a thriller, and I liked that very much. It was also unique and the ending was unexpected.
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\nSome sentences are a bit choppy and need revision. Also, some points were confusing to follow because they didn't flow. Revise your story to make sure everything makes sense.
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\nThis was very creative, as this story teaches the lesson to live your life, everyday, and not worry so much. Good job!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10604992","dateCreated":"1238166057","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dimariad","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dimariad","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10604992"},"dateDigested":1532767450,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"i thought this was a really good story. the only part that confused me was when she was talking about the first time she nearly died. what saved her? and things along those lines. unlike drew, i expected the character to live becasue it seemed like she finally realized that she'd been so caught up in other things that she forgot to live. her seeing the the eyes in the reflextions was a really good idea. and none of it seemed rused to the word limit. it was really well writin story","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10604966","dateCreated":"1238166034","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"oliviah15","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/oliviah15","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1222128529\/oliviah15-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10604966"},"dateDigested":1532767450,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"ghost story 8","description":"THis story was interesting. It had me going for a little bit because i thought that someone was following her. IT kept my interest but i was a little disappoitned nothing happened. THe end was excellent. I wished that you had kept that ending, but maybe elaborated more on a suspensing scene such as a man following her and then finally hitting her or something along those lines.
\nAlso, this part did not make sense to me
\n\u201cThere is no such thing as coincidences, no such thing as luck. Things happen because they\u2019re supposed to happen,\u201c my father once told me.\u201d This never seemed truer than now. I nod to the man. "
\nIt kinda made her seem depresed and i wasnt sure if she was talking to the construction worker or just herself.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10604944","dateCreated":"1238166015","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"mmcferran","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mmcferran","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10604944"},"dateDigested":1532767450,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"very good story. The meaning was clear and the lesson was very good. It was more of a fable, a horror fable. Very interesting and good.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}