{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"10790772","dateCreated":"1238683087","smartDate":"Apr 2, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"katieob","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/katieob","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10790772"},"dateDigested":1532767451,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment ghost story 7","description":"Wonderful description; however, a bit too much in some places. I reallly enjoyed reading this story. Great job!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10731870","dateCreated":"1238550567","smartDate":"Mar 31, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"fidan1993","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/fidan1993","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1235147613\/fidan1993-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10731870"},"dateDigested":1532767451,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"Wowwwww, this story is amazing!
\n
\nI LOVE the beginning and the ending, there was so much detail and it was easy to follow
\nIt was confusing although it fit..","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10707290","dateCreated":"1238512899","smartDate":"Mar 31, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dsk23","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dsk23","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10707290"},"dateDigested":1532767452,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"Everyone has already mentioned what i would suggest about cutting the window paragraph out. This story was amazing to read as it provided alot of vivid descriptions and developed characters. I'm still a little confused though. THis plot seems like something that would work better for a longer story so you may want to just clarify some of the confusting points. Awesome job!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10608814","dateCreated":"1238171736","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"desiree377","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/desiree377","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10608814"},"dateDigested":1532767452,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comment","description":"I enjoyed reading this. The discription was amazing...I was so lost while reading it though. I had no idea why what was happening, was happening. I think you could take out a majority of the discription about the pain and give us background information that led to the pain. Overall this was a great story.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10605906","dateCreated":"1238167175","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"xChangetheStars","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/xChangetheStars","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10605906"},"dateDigested":1532767452,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"About this story...","description":"Alright, thanks for the feedback, everyone. As I was writing, I definitely felt that there was not much plot and that it was difficult to follow (as many of you mentioned). It was difficult for me because I had to leave out background information and explanation because of the word limit (which I still did not meet) and I definitely need to work on developing a complete story in a short number of words. At the same time, leaving it so open, without background details and explanations seemed to kind of work as the piece is supposed to be kind of confusing...it is more a pyschological piece. I wanted to leave it very open to interpretation...because it is pyschological I wanted every reader to experience and comprehend it differently. It is supposed to provide a look into the girl's head while she is so gripped by this emotional pain that she does not quite act rationally or think clearly (and she can feel it physically). I am thankful for the feedback on this and will have to look at how I can make it more understandable\/cohesive while upholding the distraught\/chaotic effect.
\nIt is funny that many of you suggested cutting out the paragraph about the window because I actually like that part just because it is sort of symbolic and shows the extent of her distress. But, I must agree that it could definitely be omitted.
\nI wanted to put this out there because I was wondering if, having heard this, it affects the way you read it at all.
\nThank you for all the helpful feedback!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10605486","dateCreated":"1238166587","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"kaygeo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/kaygeo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10605486"},"dateDigested":1532767452,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"I enjoyed this story very much. It was full of suspense, pulling me deeper inside, after each sentence. You added many descriptions and details helping the story to flow. But maybe, there are too many descriptions, descriptions that aren't exactly necessary. You can cut some of these out, helping to condense your story.
\n
\nAlso, at some points, the story was confusing to follow and understand.
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\nTo help cut down your story a bit, consider taking out the 2nd paragraph. I do not believe it necessary to have and would cut your story down to 767 words, which is just above the limit.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10604518","dateCreated":"1238165525","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dimariad","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dimariad","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10604518"},"dateDigested":1532767452,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"This story was really interesting. i didnt really understand the end and why the mother was bowing to her daughter. or why the daughter was going through so much pain. you used the word "unbearable" alot, especially in the first paragraph. the second paragraph added alot of intensity to the story but because of the word limit, it isnt totally necessary and i dont think you would lose too much by taking it out. And in one of the paragraphs toward the end, it sounds alot like on of the begining paragraphs and if you needed to, you could take some out of the later paragraph.
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\nthere was a lot of really good words that helped the reader understand how much pain the girl was going through.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10604090","dateCreated":"1238165050","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"kim-berry","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/kim-berry","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1240585481\/kim-berry-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10604090"},"dateDigested":1532767452,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comments","description":"I really like this story. I'm not completely sure there can be any cuts to it. it all fits together really well. There was one spot that I thought could be removed, the part with her and the window. It does make sense but at the same time its just kind of randomly in there. Basically the story was great though.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10604040","dateCreated":"1238164997","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"mmcferran","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mmcferran","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10604040"},"dateDigested":1532767452,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"excellent story and inetersting order. You worked from the climax backwards which gave the story more suspense. The vocab use was excellent and the description was fantastic. Well Done!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10603686","dateCreated":"1238164658","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"allie4522","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/allie4522","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237993324\/allie4522-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10603686"},"dateDigested":1532767452,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"This was so well written. It was amazing. Some parts though, you should put into new paragraphs because the idea changes and then you get a little lost. So just doing that will make it so much easier to read and people won't get lost. Like in this part "The woman shook her head pretentiously, as though she knew all and felt sorry that the girl was simply unable to understand. The searing, clawing pain flared within the girl all the more strongly." You should change that into a new paragraph when she wakes up.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}