{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"10794542","dateCreated":"1238686350","smartDate":"Apr 2, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"xChangetheStars","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/xChangetheStars","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10794542"},"dateDigested":1532767454,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments ","description":"Very interesting story! It is unique and initially I wondered if the boy was psychologically haunted for what he had done or if the icy blue eyes truly belonged to an actual spirit. I like how you incorporated an everyday issue\/struggle (that of combined families and being able to deal with\/accept them) in with the supernatural.
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\n\u201cand with the spasm of the finger he pulled the trigger\u201d \u2013I suggest \u201ca spasm\u201d instead of \u201cthe spasm\u201d
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\n\u201cthe desperate agony of wanting to be accepted into his heart.\u201d \u2013maybe insert the word \u201cwith\u201d before \u201cthe desperate agony\u201d
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\n\u201cHe grabbed the helpless body and dragged it out into the backyard where he had already dug a hole out of the dark earthly soil.\u201d\u2014maybe increase a comma between \u201cbackyard\u201d and \u201cwhere\u201d
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\n\u201cThe spirits icy blue eyes\u201d \u2013should be \u201cspirit\u2019s\u201d (possession)
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\n:)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10790992","dateCreated":"1238683229","smartDate":"Apr 2, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"katieob","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/katieob","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10790992"},"dateDigested":1532767454,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment ghost story 6","description":"Discovering that the victim was the step-mother, was surprising to me at first. But, this was a really good story. I liked how you incorporated the step-mother's eyes into the title.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10731616","dateCreated":"1238550197","smartDate":"Mar 31, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"fidan1993","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/fidan1993","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1235147613\/fidan1993-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10731616"},"dateDigested":1532767454,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"This was intense, i like the exclamation marks :]
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\nGood plot,","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10707086","dateCreated":"1238512619","smartDate":"Mar 31, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dsk23","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dsk23","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10707086"},"dateDigested":1532767454,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"
\nI really enjoyed the plot line in this story, orginal idea. The stepmother's character does not seem consistant though. Also, you can add more drama if you shorten sentences.
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\n"There was one last moan and then he was gone."
\nThere was one last moan. He was gone.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10604956","dateCreated":"1238166027","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"colangeloc","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/colangeloc","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1238686036\/colangeloc-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10604956"},"dateDigested":1532767454,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Ghost Story 6","description":"this story kept me interested and i loved the ending. i didn't expect that it was the son who killed her, i thought maybe the father was trying to cover it up. i like the story the way it is, just revise it a little bit and fix up some confusing phrases that were mentioned in other comments. good job!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10604742","dateCreated":"1238165759","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"kaygeo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/kaygeo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10604742"},"dateDigested":1532767454,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"The ending was key to this story. I really enjoyed reading this, as it kept me interested and focused. The ending cleared up many questions I had when reading through the story. I didn't expect the protaginist to be a 15 year old boy, angry at his stepmom.
\nConsider revising your story, as some phrases you use are a bit confusing.
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\nFor example, "There he stood sleeping." -- This should be "There he LAY sleeping", unless he is a sleepwalker :)
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\nAlso revise the sentences so they flow better and be careful when choosing certain words, as some are awkward and don't fit in with the context of the sentence.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10603974","dateCreated":"1238164906","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dimariad","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dimariad","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10603974"},"dateDigested":1532767455,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"this was a really good story! It had lots of suspense and kept me intresting throughout the entire story. the only thing that really stood out to me was the sentence, "He knew those eyes from anybody" instead of anybody, you might want to say "somebody" or "somewhere"","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"10606250","body":"or if you want it to be like he recognised the eyes you could say something like "He'd know those eyes anywhere"","dateCreated":"1238167756","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"LDion","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/LDion","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237476747\/LDion-lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"10603504","dateCreated":"1238164501","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"mmcferran","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mmcferran","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10603504"},"dateDigested":1532767455,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"There he stood sleeping?
\nHe knew those eyes from anybody?
\nThere were some confusing phrases and there need to be some distinctions between plural and singular verbs.
\nThis story was very good and creepy. The creepisest one I have read so far. This is a story that may haunt me for a while","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10603506","dateCreated":"1238164501","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"tylerjlhs","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/tylerjlhs","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10603506"},"dateDigested":1532767455,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"story 6","description":"i loved the way you created such a suspenseful setting. the beginning, starting with both of them talking, made the start more intense. i thought this was a well rounded story. i really like it.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10586964","dateCreated":"1238112366","smartDate":"Mar 26, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"claire2849","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/claire2849","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10586964"},"dateDigested":1532767455,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"Well, this is a very creepy story. I liked how you developed the plot with unclear, disturbing action before tying it all together with a concluding event. This sustains the reader's attention and adds to the generally disturbing atmosphere.
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\nOne thing I noticed that I didn't really understand was that the stepmother's ghost and her living self didn't seem very alike. You described the stepmother as Adam was killing her as frail, and she pleaded for her life, but when she was haunting him she acted much more malicious and demonstrated a deep hatred for Adam. I know this is most likely because Adam killed her, but I thought it was hard to picture a frail, pleading woman haunting and murdering her stepson simply to uphold the "an eye for an eye" philosophy, and I think they two portrayals of her might be more similar if you added some elaboration on her's and Adam's relationship.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}