{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"10790572","dateCreated":"1238682926","smartDate":"Apr 2, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"katieob","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/katieob","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10790572"},"dateDigested":1532767456,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment ghost story 5","description":"The ending of your story was not anticipated, and that is what made it so great! I love the line, "I am the beast."
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\nI think you may have been too descriptive in some areas; however, overall, the story is great!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10731488","dateCreated":"1238550044","smartDate":"Mar 31, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"fidan1993","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/fidan1993","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1235147613\/fidan1993-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10731488"},"dateDigested":1532767456,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, i love it :] it reminded me of a movie i saw called Shrooms, and something similar occurred although the girl wasn't drunk,
\nshe had eaten a mushroom that made her hallucinate.
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\nThis is intense, and i love the vocab. :]
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\nNice descriptions","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10605124","dateCreated":"1238166177","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"butwills","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/butwills","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10605124"},"dateDigested":1532767456,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"In the first sentence, heel should probably be plural
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\n\u201cFew beams of light glistened down onto the street creating each raindrop\u201d maybe change it to \u201ca few beams\u2026. causing each raindrop. I don\u2019t think creating is the right word here because the light is not creating the rain drops.
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\nMaybe start a new paragraph after \u201cCloser and closer I became.\u201d
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\n\u201cSome say that its\u201d should be it\u2019s
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\nI loved the setting in the first paragraph. You were able to perfectly capture a dank, rainy night, which set the mood for the rest of the story.
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\nIn the sentence \u201cThe townspeople tried to avoid talking about it\u201d maybe try changing it to \u201chad tried\u201d to make clear that it\u2019s the past. The way it\u2019s worded now makes it sound like it\u2019s in the period as the rest of the story, which is confusing after you describe how all the people in the bar were talking about it.
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\nOne major thing I noticed was verb tense consistency. \u201cwalked into my room, the floor creaking with every step I take\u201d this is switching between past and present, and it\u2019s really hard to read.
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\nAlso, \u201cRealizing that I was covered in blood, I sprint\u201d You should either change I sprint to I sprinted or was to am.
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\nThe ending to your story is excellent!!! I never expected it, and it came out of nowhere, but at the same time it made perfect sense. Although there were a few grammatical errors, the overall plot was amazing. It was short, but I didn\u2019t feel as though anything was missing.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10604124","dateCreated":"1238165087","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"colangeloc","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/colangeloc","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1238686036\/colangeloc-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10604124"},"dateDigested":1532767457,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Ghost Story 5","description":"awesome plot, kept me interested. i think this should be made into a movie of some sort. i think you should describe more about the ending and tell how she finally found out she was actually the beast. other than that and some revising your story sounds great","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10603832","dateCreated":"1238164758","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"kaygeo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/kaygeo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10603832"},"dateDigested":1532767457,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"This was a very interesting story. You include great details and descriptions of the town, really creating setting. I enjoyed reading it and never did I expect the ending. When I was beginning to read it, I thought the mentioning of the beast and the murder of a local man was foreshadowing and this was going to happen to the protaginist. As I finished the story, I discovered that the protaginist was in fact the beast. This ending completely shocked me, in a good way!
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\nSome parts of your story are confusing, as the sentences do not flow. Basically, you just need to revise your story, so it is clear and flowing. I spotted some grammatical errors as well that can easily be fixed. Be sure to use a constant tense of a verb and not to go back and forth, as it is hard to keep track oif. You may also want to shorten some sentences, to add a feeling of tone throughout your story.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10603626","dateCreated":"1238164598","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dimariad","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dimariad","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10603626"},"dateDigested":1532767457,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comment","description":"I didnt understand the story until the end. Which was a great ending! some of your sentence structures need improvement and finding different words for "everywhere" and a few others would be a good idea. the begining was also a little unclear to me. There are also a few grammatical errors that should be fixed. but other than that this was a great idea for a story!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10603144","dateCreated":"1238164165","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"allie4522","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/allie4522","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237993324\/allie4522-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10603144"},"dateDigested":1532767457,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"I really liked this story, it had a sense of mystery and it was pretty well written. One part you could fix is change the first or second everywhere in these sentences "Blood was everywhere. Decapitated bodies everywhere." It sounds repetitive. Maybe try all over the ground, or something like that. Also you spelled disgusted wrong "discussed" if thats what you meant to say. But this was a very creative story.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10586486","dateCreated":"1238111691","smartDate":"Mar 26, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"claire2849","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/claire2849","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10586486"},"dateDigested":1532767457,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"The ending of this story is perfect. It fulfills alot of unanswered questions posed earlier in the story and excuses some of the ambiguity and confusion of the plot. However, I found it difficult to understand some of the beginning, mostly, I think, due to lack of organization. I think you should go back through your draft and separate your thoughts into more paragraphs, especially in the first section. You have just one big paragraph for many different plot sequences. Every time you begin a new idea you should have a new paragraph. Other than that, I liked this story alot.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10518716","dateCreated":"1237995287","smartDate":"Mar 25, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"mmcferran","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mmcferran","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10518716"},"dateDigested":1532767457,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"Slight hums of the beast? taht was a bit confusing you may want to reword that.
\ncareful with your past and present actions.But there was just enough detail and description. Very good plot and short and to the point. O really enjoyed reading this","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10518316","dateCreated":"1237994800","smartDate":"Mar 25, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"LDion","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/LDion","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237476747\/LDion-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10518316"},"dateDigested":1532767457,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"I thought the idea for this was really good the plot kept me reading but it got a bit sonfusing at times. At the end i wondered whether the girl actually turned into some creature at the end and if she did what triggered this.
\nAlso, i found myself wondering what time period this took place it. the way you described the town as a villiage and some of the other descriptions made me think that maybe this wass meant to take place during a kind-of colonial era or something but then the narrators voice, and the fact that aa woman would be at a bar alone seemed more modern. yo umay want to make some clarifications on this.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}