{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"10789788","dateCreated":"1238682216","smartDate":"Apr 2, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"katieob","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/katieob","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10789788"},"dateDigested":1532767466,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment ghost story 1","description":"This story was very interesting. I loved the ending, especially the part in which the figure winks before he vanishes.
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\nWatch the tense - keep it consistent.
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\nOverall, good story!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10730958","dateCreated":"1238549352","smartDate":"Mar 31, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"fidan1993","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/fidan1993","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1235147613\/fidan1993-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10730958"},"dateDigested":1532767466,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"It was a little bit confusing at the end, although it kept me interested for that reason.
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\nI got a little lost in the dialogue, although the beginning was good.
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\nMaybe add a little more intense vocabulary usage to make it sound scarier. :p","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10603812","dateCreated":"1238164749","smartDate":"Mar 27, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"xChangetheStars","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/xChangetheStars","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10603812"},"dateDigested":1532767466,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"Very interesting, intriguing story. Unique idea for a ghost story, I really enjoyed it and it definitely held my interest. :)
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\n\u201cI woke up to a scream. Assuming it\u2019s my brother\u2019s, I hurry into his room\u201d \u2013tense change\u2014probably should be \u201cI awake\u201d or \u201cI wake up\u201d to keep with the present tense
\n\u201cAnd prior to any other movements, I was pushed.\u201d And \u201cIt was like a dream\u201d\u2013tense change again, should probably be \u201cI am pushed\u201d and \u201cIt is like a dream\u201d
\n\u201cMy mom gone again by the time I heard strange yelling coming from the basement\u201d\u2014this is a bit confusing and I am not sure what you are saying here
\n\u201cfigured hitting my\u201d \u2013typo (I think \u201cfigure\u201d)
\nSome of the paragraphs don\u2019t contain much sentence variety and it leaves it a little choppy. If you are doing this for an intentional effect I would still vary the sentence length and structure a little more.
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\n:)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10518802","dateCreated":"1237995399","smartDate":"Mar 25, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"claire2849","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/claire2849","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10518802"},"dateDigested":1532767466,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"You managed a very disturbing story...good job.
\nI thought the relationship between the father and daughter was really horrifying, which, of course, is fitting since it's supposed to be a ghost story.
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\nI noticed some inconsistency in the tense the story was written in, though. It is mostly in present but once or twice it switches back to the past. I know this is intentional for some parts but for others it wasn't clear.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10518356","dateCreated":"1237994838","smartDate":"Mar 25, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"mgfabbri","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mgfabbri","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10518356"},"dateDigested":1532767466,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"I like the plot of the story, but the ending got really confusing. Why did they want her father? also there was never an explanation of the screams. i think if you slowed down the ending, you'd be able to fit more information in about the incident. also i think if you add some more discription to the story i can make it seem more scarey.
\ngood idea! just elaborate more!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10518280","dateCreated":"1237994765","smartDate":"Mar 25, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"kassondramaie","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/kassondramaie","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10518280"},"dateDigested":1532767466,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comments","description":"Really good plot, i liked how she was remembering it as it happened.
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\na little confuseing at the end, but with some clarification it will be great","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10517448","dateCreated":"1237994001","smartDate":"Mar 25, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"colangeloc","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/colangeloc","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1238686036\/colangeloc-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10517448"},"dateDigested":1532767466,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Ghost Story 1","description":"this story kept my attention, it was easy to read and very suspensful, good job.
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\nsome grammatical errors, i would clarify the ending. was she in the hospital after her fall? or was that still her memory?","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10516374","dateCreated":"1237992767","smartDate":"Mar 25, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"kaygeo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/kaygeo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10516374"},"dateDigested":1532767466,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"This story is very suspensful and intense. It was very realistic and interesting to read.
\nParts of the story were confusing. The structure of some sentences is a little weird and I spotted some grammatical errors. Be sure to be consist when using verb tenses.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10516300","dateCreated":"1237992716","smartDate":"Mar 25, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dsk23","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dsk23","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10516300"},"dateDigested":1532767467,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"Overall, nice plot line, i would just reccomment clarifying a few points.
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\nI would revise the paragraph after she is lying on the floor unconscience, starting from "Before me, replays the day that we nearly never spoke about...." This paragraph is very unclear and you you say that it was "like a dream." Therefore, instead of narrating it with subject-verb tenses, you could add more fragmented ones, represented these fragmented memories. If you describe it like it actually plays out in the character's mind, it may clarify the situation to the reader and express the character's broken state of conscience.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"10338272","dateCreated":"1237476300","smartDate":"Mar 19, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"mmcferran","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mmcferran","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/10338272"},"dateDigested":1532767467,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"The story was hard to understand at certain points especially at the end. Although you have a really good and realistic story you really need clarity especially because you are transitioning back and forth a lot. All in al very good story but with some grammar corrections and clarity is should be awesome!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}