{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"9516182","dateCreated":"1235492632","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"kaygeo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/kaygeo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9516182"},"dateDigested":1532767469,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"This was an excellent story that kept me occupied as soon as I began reading it. The descriptions added a lot of depth to the story and I was eager to read more. There were some grammatical errors that need to be fixed and some words such as "again" were used quite a few times. Great story!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9515052","dateCreated":"1235491269","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"wihbeyj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/wihbeyj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9515052"},"dateDigested":1532767469,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comment","description":"I thought the ending was great. "I was the owner of the sidewalk" is a great line to end it. I liked how he solved the murder. That was very cool.
\n
\nIt could have used a little more description though. It could have been more personal, so that we know more about how the boy felt.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9513930","dateCreated":"1235490387","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"etreb","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/etreb","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9513930"},"dateDigested":1532767469,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comment","description":"
\nPositive: there is very good description at the beginning of the story and I really feel like I am in the city with all the sounds and smells. Everything was described very well.
\n
\nNegative: the story just ends and there could have been a lot more to it. It would have been interesting to see another conflict between the characters. A lot more description could have been used to portray his emotions that he felt through the story. All in all, very descriptive and well written.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9513114","dateCreated":"1235489920","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"allie4522","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/allie4522","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237993324\/allie4522-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9513114"},"dateDigested":1532767469,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comments","description":"positive: the descriptions were all very good and well written. the plot was interesting, but too fast (mine was too, because of the word limit)
\n
\nnegitive: "The people that once ignored me in the streets and made me feel like I didn\u2019t exist where getting out of my way"
\n^ i didnt know exactly what you meant, clear it up a little.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"9513394","body":"Oh also, break up your paragraph because you need pausing points or it gets overwhelming and you could lose the reader.","dateCreated":"1235490082","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"allie4522","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/allie4522","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237993324\/allie4522-lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"9512228","dateCreated":"1235489314","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"desiree377","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/desiree377","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9512228"},"dateDigested":1532767469,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"This story is suspenseful and really realistic. I enjoyed reading on to see what would happen next. One thing I noticed that you might want to change is towards the end when it's one year later and she is sitting on the monkey bars. It makes her seem very childish and much younger then in the rest of the story. More like a one year earlier, then one year later.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9423280","dateCreated":"1235185789","smartDate":"Feb 20, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dimariad","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dimariad","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9423280"},"dateDigested":1532767469,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"i thought the story was really realistic, like the way the situation was handled. And it was nice that the unusualy person got the spot light
\n
\nwhen you go into the one year later... it says i was sitting on the monkey bars at recess which makes it sound like the person was much younger than they seem in the rest of the story","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9403740","dateCreated":"1235147143","smartDate":"Feb 20, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"DrewGauvain","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/DrewGauvain","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237994231\/DrewGauvain-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9403740"},"dateDigested":1532767470,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"Positive: This one really had me hooked. I am never the kind of kid for a love story, but I truly enjoyed this one. The way you described your emotions was the best. Your descriptions of the setting painted a perfect picture.
\nNegative\/Constructive: It would help to describe the relationship with Theo prior to when this occured. Also, at the end when he tells you that he did not have a girlfriend,it went to fast. A longer explanation would make me understand more.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9403398","dateCreated":"1235146733","smartDate":"Feb 20, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"butwills","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/butwills","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9403398"},"dateDigested":1532767470,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comments","description":"I really liked the suspense in your story! Also, in the first paragraph, you did an amazing job at making me feel like i was right in the middle of the city.
\n
\n\u201cChristian, you will help your mother with the dishes before you go back upstairs\u201d.
\nyou don't specify who said this, so its a bit confusing to the reader. at first, the reader isn't sure if its the mother or the father (you didn't bring up that he was dead yet)or even one of the mother's friends
\n
\nalso, there was also of sentences that started subject verb. maybe try adding some more sentence variety.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"9570830","body":"i agree with Sammy, but i also thought that the story should contain a bit more dialogue and the last paragraph was a bit cliche in my opinion. However, the story was interesting and it was a bit mysterious.","dateCreated":"1235583914","smartDate":"Feb 25, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"oliviah15","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/oliviah15","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1222128529\/oliviah15-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"9903428","body":"i agree with butwills with in how you did such a great job with creating suspence in your story. it helps to keep the reader on his toes! it was very descriptive and had a good plot.","dateCreated":"1236349439","smartDate":"Mar 6, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"tylerjlhs","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/tylerjlhs","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"9403076","dateCreated":"1235146374","smartDate":"Feb 20, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"Shayna_Jenkins","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Shayna_Jenkins","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1224158020\/Shayna_Jenkins-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9403076"},"dateDigested":1532767470,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"The description in your story was really good. I had a really good picture in my head of all the characters and the setting. Some editing is off though. For example:
\n"People still whiz by in taxis, limos bicycles and on foot as if I don\u2019t even exist."
\nThere should be a comma after limos and between foot and as, so it says, "People still whiz by in taxis, limos, bicycles and on foot, as if I don't even exist."","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9384896","dateCreated":"1235091936","smartDate":"Feb 19, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"fidan1993","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/fidan1993","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1235147613\/fidan1993-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9384896"},"dateDigested":1532767470,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"Your story was really interesting! I loved it, and it kept me wanting to find out what was going to happen next.
\n
\n"We finished dinner and I helped my mother with the dishes again. We sat down on the sofa again to watch the six o\u2019clock news."
\nMaybe replace the word "again" with a different word so that it doesn't repeat so close together.
\n
\nSuggestions:
\n-Once more
\n-one more time
\n-recurrently
\n
\n:]","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}