{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11431589","dateCreated":"1240587015","smartDate":"Apr 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"mmcferran","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mmcferran","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11431589"},"dateDigested":1532767482,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comments","description":"some parts were confusing and unrelated. Overall it was good but try to connect the events a little more","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9903046","dateCreated":"1236348978","smartDate":"Mar 6, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"tylerjlhs","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/tylerjlhs","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9903046"},"dateDigested":1532767482,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"story 6","description":"i really liked this story because of its setting of the outdoors. even just your title made me want to read the story. the way you described parts of the story make it quite interesting and kept me on track. i did notice a few gramatical errors, but thats nothing that cant be fixed in another editing. nice job.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9617874","dateCreated":"1235665438","smartDate":"Feb 26, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dsk23","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dsk23","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9617874"},"dateDigested":1532767482,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"You described the main character's thought process in ways that helped the reader to truly understand what she was thinking and going through- which added to the depth of her character. The friendship seemed realistic and relatable. There was one paragraph in particular ,however, that used "I" in the beginning of each sentece.Im not sure if that was intentional or not but you might want to consider switching them around to create more interest.
\nGood job though, interesting story line.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9617376","dateCreated":"1235665068","smartDate":"Feb 26, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"mgfabbri","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mgfabbri","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9617376"},"dateDigested":1532767482,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"This story was very sweet and kept me interested. It seemed like it was kind of a mystery. Although i think there is still something mysterious about "kasondra" like why has she never gone outside? and why did the house seem so dead? but otherwise i really enjoyed reading it!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9616952","dateCreated":"1235664693","smartDate":"Feb 26, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"claire2849","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/claire2849","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9616952"},"dateDigested":1532767482,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"I like the progression of this story and how you described many different events to show the length of time it took to uncover the mystery of who lived in the house. I do wish, though, that there was a bit more development of the relationship between you and Kassondra. Maybe one or two more paragraphs at the end would allow for the reader to get more of a feel for your friendship.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"9689242","body":"I enjoyed the story; although, I think there should be a bit more information regarding you and Kassondra's friendship. That way, the reader can understand\/relate to the degree of the friendship more. =)","dateCreated":"1235850366","smartDate":"Feb 28, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"katieob","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/katieob","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"9689252","body":"Sorry claire! I was reading through comments and agreed with yours. I meant to comment this on the main page, haha.","dateCreated":"1235850493","smartDate":"Feb 28, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"katieob","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/katieob","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"9616904","dateCreated":"1235664659","smartDate":"Feb 26, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"fidan1993","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/fidan1993","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1235147613\/fidan1993-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9616904"},"dateDigested":1532767483,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"Awwwhhhh your story is adorable.
\nI like how the setting sounded so warm and took place in the summertime-fall. The schoolyear made me get all excited because just being able to see friends after a long summer is thrilling.
\nThe story had happy and sad parts such as the accident. It tied in well together because finally in the end when you met the girl that you've been so eager to meet, you became friends.
\n
\nOnce thing I would change would be to think about how you mentioned that she rode your bus, although if she has been riding it for about a month you would have noticed her get off at the same stop as you, or you could add in that her parents drove her home after school to clear things up a bit.
\n
\nOVERALL I enjoyed your story, and it made me smile :]
\n
\n"While eavesdropping" - ease dropping (grammar correction)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9615866","dateCreated":"1235663708","smartDate":"Feb 26, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"xChangetheStars","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/xChangetheStars","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9615866"},"dateDigested":1532767483,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"This is a cute story. I like how you kept the reader in suspense as to what the mystery person living in the house might mean to the main character.
\nThe one thing I recommend is to bring up the reason why Kassondra never came out of the house. If the main character was outside all the time, one would expect that she might have, at some point, seen Kassondra playing outside. Was she simply not one to play outside, was she too busy with catholic school, did her parents force her to stay inside due to a phobia of germs? There are endless possibilities, of course. I just thought it might be something to breifly mention as it will answer the reader's questioning but it will also help to characterize Kassondra and make her a more realistic\/believable character. Overall, very good job!
\nI included a few minor details you might want to look over:
\n
\n - \u201cWe went around the field a few times, laughing and everything was fine.\u201d \u2013I suggest placing a comma between \u201claughing\u201d and \u201cand\u201d.
\n- \u201cpetrifying feeling of seeming helpless,\u201d \u2013maybe use \u201cpetrifying feeling of helplessness\u201d instead
\n- \u201cbeen done there in months\u201d\u2014did you mean \u201cdown\u201d rather than \u201cdone\u201d?
\n- \u201cI began to remember that one day when I was out there catching fireflies and the light flickered at the house across from the pond.\u201d ---maybe restructure this sentence so that it is a little more concise\/clear.
\n- \u201call these years, we were separated, when our parents were friends with each other\u201d \u2013maybe restructure so that it is more cohesive. Perhaps something like \u201cwhile our parents were friends, we had been unknown to one another all these years.\u201d
\n- \u201cbuilt up a friendship that has a bond that is inseparable\u201d \u2013I would suggest condensing this sentence and making it clearer. Perhaps \u201cdeveloped an inseparable bond.\u201d Or something similar
\n
\n:)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9615562","dateCreated":"1235663387","smartDate":"Feb 26, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"colangeloc","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/colangeloc","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1238686036\/colangeloc-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9615562"},"dateDigested":1532767483,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Setting Story 6","description":"This was a very interesting story. It kept my attention and had very nice descriptions of the outdoors.
\n
\nA few grammar and spelling mistakes, but otherwise good job!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9615512","dateCreated":"1235663319","smartDate":"Feb 26, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"butwills","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/butwills","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9615512"},"dateDigested":1532767483,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"This story did a really good job at creating suspense. The whole time I was wondering how all the events would ever link together. Also, I loved the way you were able to capture the main character at different ages. The paragraph about catching fireflies especially made me feel like I was eight years old again.
\n
\nThe events leading up to the ending were so intense,which made the suspense in your story so amazing, that the ending itself was a bit of a let down.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9614916","dateCreated":"1235662731","smartDate":"Feb 26, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"DrewGauvain","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/DrewGauvain","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237994231\/DrewGauvain-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9614916"},"dateDigested":1532767483,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments pf Story 6","description":"Thats a great story. Its one that you will never forget. I think your descriptions of the pond and everything around it are fantastic. i can also understand the feelings you had when you recondnised she was living there the entire time perfectly. That was fun to read.
\nSome of the sentences are wordy. Also, does the catching firefiles have signifigance to Kassondra or the story line? Otherwise, that was an amusing and well written story.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}