{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"11431547","dateCreated":"1240586963","smartDate":"Apr 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"mmcferran","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mmcferran","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/11431547"},"dateDigested":1532767484,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"Very good story. you might want to go back for grammar mistakes but it was simple, to the point and pretty clear. AWESOME!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9689208","dateCreated":"1235850101","smartDate":"Feb 28, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"katieob","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/katieob","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9689208"},"dateDigested":1532767485,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Setting Story 05","description":"I really liked the second to last paragraph when Sofia was terrified of seeing Cadence's ghost. I also loved the last sentence of the story, when Sofia see's Cadence's ghost in the window. It ties up the story very well. =)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"9902912","body":"i agree with katie. the second paragraph we one of the best! the story was very well written in that it flowed well and it was well rounded. nice job.","dateCreated":"1236348829","smartDate":"Mar 6, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"tylerjlhs","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/tylerjlhs","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"9594674","dateCreated":"1235615844","smartDate":"Feb 25, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"xChangetheStars","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/xChangetheStars","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9594674"},"dateDigested":1532767485,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"Very interesting descriptions and story! Great ideas and interesting structure!
\nI enjoyed reading your story :)
\n
\n- \u201cThe campus was covered in beautiful green grass and walk ways intertwined back and forth, trees were sprouting up towards the sky, their branches covered in buds; the ground was wet with the last rain that slowly washed away the snow from the last winter\u201d \u2013these can be made separate sentences unless there is a certain effect you want to create in using such syntax. If there is, leave the syntax alone but perhaps make the sentence more cohesive (you also might want to fix the parallel structure). If there is not a specific purpose in your using such syntax, I would suggest separating and clarifying them.
\n- \u201cThe campus cafeteria looked like a church, with a high steeple that had a huge clock on it and a door way just underneath that led to absolutely no where there a door way on the tower that led to nowhere, and no clock.\u201d \u2013this sentence is a little unclear.
\n- \u201cBack inside there was a kitchen like area set up for people to slide through with trays to get their food.\u201d ---Maybe use an expression other than \u201ckitchen-like\u201d Maybe write something like \u201cInside, there was a serving area through which people could slide with trays to get their food.\u201d Or simply hyphenate kitchen-like if you want that certain image.
\n- \u201cHe had nothing of note other than one or two stray tattoos.\u201d \u2013Maybe restructure this sentence, as \u201cof note\u201d doesn\u2019t really work here. Maybe \u201cnothing particular\u201d or \u201cnothing noteworthy\u201d or exceptional
\n- Perhaps provide insight as to the cause\/purpose\/feelings behind the boy\u2019s random kiss in the lunch line. Did he do it to show off, to mock her, out of rudeness, as a dare, a jest? What was her reaction to that? Also maybe introduce Sofia\u2019s name sooner.
\n- \u201cjerked forward her body jerking into her steering wheel\u201d ---repetition of \u201cjerk\u201d; maybe change one to thrashed, flung, whipped, etc.
\n- Maybe introduce Isaac sooner, just briefly. Even just have her see him or mention his name or something to establish who he is before he comes over and hugs her.
\n
\n:)","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"9594772","body":"I also wanted to mention that your story maintains a good pace. It also held me attention, pulling me in and making me want to read more","dateCreated":"1235616007","smartDate":"Feb 25, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"xChangetheStars","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/xChangetheStars","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"9516556","dateCreated":"1235493236","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"DrewGauvain","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/DrewGauvain","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237994231\/DrewGauvain-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9516556"},"dateDigested":1532767485,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Story 5","description":"Positive: Good descriptions of the setting. I could see the campus and cafeteria set up perfectly. Picturing the girl was definatly easy for me.
\nNegative: More information on who the girl is would make her easier to understand.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9516412","dateCreated":"1235492980","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"fidan1993","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/fidan1993","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1235147613\/fidan1993-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9516412"},"dateDigested":1532767485,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"INTENSE! I really liked your story because it was simple but so complex. Great use of adjectives and I couldn't stop reading. There were a couple of grammar mistakes here and there but they were minor. Some words needed to be connected such as "doorway" and etc. I liked how the description fit the weather well and there was dialogue.
\n
\nOverall, great story! Not too long not too short.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9516396","dateCreated":"1235492968","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"claire2849","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/claire2849","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9516396"},"dateDigested":1532767485,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"This story is very well written and really attention-grabbing. It has a good pace to it, too, but the end is a bit rushed and there's no real conclusion or resolution to the story. Maybe you could clarify what Cadence wants help with or detail what other peoples' reactions to Sofia's story are. Then Sofia's transfering to another school would be more justified.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9514552","dateCreated":"1235490842","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"allie4522","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/allie4522","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237993324\/allie4522-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9514552"},"dateDigested":1532767485,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comments","description":"Positive: i really like this story, the part where he walked through her car surprised me; i loved it. really good writing, only a few sentence structure problems.
\n
\nNegitive:\u201cThe campus cafeteria looked like a church, with a high steeple that had a huge clock on it and a door way just underneath that led to absolutely no where there a door way on the tower that led to nowhere, and no clock.\u201d
\nRewrite that
\n
\nhit the break and jerked forward her body jerking into her steering wheel.
\nDon\u2019t repeat jerking
\n
\n\u201cinside all of the rooms were huge like suites of a hotel\u201d
\nall of the rooms were huge like hotel suites?
\n
\nthe ending was a little abrupt but really good.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9514208","dateCreated":"1235490593","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"Shayna_Jenkins","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Shayna_Jenkins","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1224158020\/Shayna_Jenkins-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9514208"},"dateDigested":1532767485,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"I really liked this story, and the description was clear, but wasn't too much, so I stayed interested. The plot was interested, and I was surprised to find out that the man was a ghost. But, toward the end, the events seemed rushed. There are some editing problems I noticed, such as:
\n"The sun over head had risen to mid-sky," But overhead should be one word.
\nAlso, this sentence didn't make sense:
\n"The campus cafeteria looked like a church, with a high steeple that had a huge clock on it and a door way just underneath that led to absolutely no where there a door way on the tower that led to nowhere, and no clock."","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9513332","dateCreated":"1235490046","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"dsk23","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/dsk23","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9513332"},"dateDigested":1532767485,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"The ending caught me by surprise and I especially liked the last sentence,"She finally decided it would be in her best interest to switch schools." Its nonchalant and simple, in contrast to the physical descriptions of the characters and converstations that take place. It makes the story different- there wasn't some huge ending or final last sentence that needed to be dramatic.
\n
\nDescribing the character's clothes using Store brand names such as "Pacsun," Hot Topic" "American Eagle" gives the reader a clear picture of the characters, but I wouldn't rely on them to heavily because it gives them a type of cliched feeling.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9512986","dateCreated":"1235489848","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"desiree377","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/desiree377","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9512986"},"dateDigested":1532767486,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"This was really discriptive; your story made me feel like I was at Green Mountain College. I enjoyed reading your story, but it didn't really stand out to me. It reminded me of several books I've read before, so it was nothing new to me. Other then that, this was excellent.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}