{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"9689026","dateCreated":"1235848905","smartDate":"Feb 28, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"katieob","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/katieob","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9689026"},"dateDigested":1532767495,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comment Story 01","description":"I absolutely loved the description in the story. I was easily able to paint a picture of what was happening. =)
\n
\nWatch your sentences - I noticed a few fragments here and there.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9615418","dateCreated":"1235663216","smartDate":"Feb 26, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"mmcferran","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mmcferran","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9615418"},"dateDigested":1532767495,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"Very good description my suggesions would be to
\n1. work on corecting word order and grammer
\n2. it was a bit confusing when you kept going back and forth. By the time I got to the end I was very confused
\n3. The description was excellent
\n4. a good plot is just gets a little confusing at times","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9515898","dateCreated":"1235492217","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"Shayna_Jenkins","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Shayna_Jenkins","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1224158020\/Shayna_Jenkins-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9515898"},"dateDigested":1532767495,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"It is a very creative story and I never would have guessed what was going to happen next. But, I often was confused at what was going on. Also, there are a few revising errors. Such as:
\n"I can see my breath now, in my very own house. The cold has now erupted all over now." "Now" is used in two sentences in a row, which is really repetative. This sentence was really confusing to me:
\n"It is hard to sit still with the beating cold on chilling my back."","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9515320","dateCreated":"1235491551","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"DrewGauvain","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/DrewGauvain","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237994231\/DrewGauvain-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9515320"},"dateDigested":1532767495,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Setting Story 1 ","description":"Positive: The first section of the story in the water was extremely descriptive and action packed. I need loads of action to keep me interested and this definatly did the job. I felt like I was wading in the water near you experiancing the action myself.
\nNegative\/Constructive: There are a few grammatical errors. A paragraph or so of flow between the first section with your dad and the second section would make it a better story.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9515200","dateCreated":"1235491423","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"desiree377","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/desiree377","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9515200"},"dateDigested":1532767495,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"I enjoyed this and the vocabulary fit well with your writting. It was very discriptive and the whole time I read I felt like I was watching a movie. There were a few gramatical errors and it lacked emotion,but all in all this was very well written and enjoyable to read.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"9614136","body":"the story was very well described,it gave a very suspenceful feeling when reading it. other than a few gramatical errors i thought it was a very good story.","dateCreated":"1235662163","smartDate":"Feb 26, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"kassondramaie","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/kassondramaie","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"9513688","dateCreated":"1235490264","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"claire2849","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/claire2849","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9513688"},"dateDigested":1532767495,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comment","description":"I think this is a very good, intriguing story. I like that the reader doesn't really understand what is going on and the air of mystery it presents. Good job on getting right down to the plot action; you laid out the foundation for the story very quickly and didn't drag things out unnecessarily. The general level of vocabulary you used was also very good, and the elevated diction made the writing more sophisticated. I did notice some gramatical errors, but you would most likely catch them in another revision.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9513398","dateCreated":"1235490083","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"colangeloc","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/colangeloc","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1238686036\/colangeloc-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9513398"},"dateDigested":1532767495,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Setting Story 1","description":"This story pulled me in and kept me interested. Good Job!
\n
\nA few gramatical errors and I think you should add some human emotion to keep the reader attatched","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9513162","dateCreated":"1235489947","smartDate":"Feb 24, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"kaygeo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/kaygeo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9513162"},"dateDigested":1532767495,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comments","description":"This story was very descriptive and full of suspense. But in a since, the suspense that lingered made the story difficult to understand and follow at some points. Basically, your story just needs a little revision and polishing up. Some sentences are too wordy and \u201cchoppy\u201d. Other than that, this is a very good story, just needs a little revising.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9403268","dateCreated":"1235146614","smartDate":"Feb 20, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"LDion","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/LDion","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237476747\/LDion-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9403268"},"dateDigested":1532767496,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Comment","description":"the story was interesting and the ideas behind it were unique and intriguing. Good vacabulary in descriptions as well, interesting word choices.
\n
\nA few times though words were repeated within the same sentences or very close, which made it seem somewhat choppy.
\nThese are a few of them:
\nI can see my breath now, in my very own house. The cold has now erupted all over now.
\n-now
\n
\nI turn around to open the door, but door will not budge, the waves of heat seem to be pushing the door, almost intentially preventing my escape.
\n-door
\n
\nIt isn't necessarily bad grammar or anything, the story just seems to get choppy and repetative sometimes. If you replaced the words with synonyms or pronouns it might make the sentences flow a bit better.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"9403088","dateCreated":"1235146397","smartDate":"Feb 20, 2009","userCreated":{"username":"allie4522","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/allie4522","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1237993324\/allie4522-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/sem2creativewriting.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/9403088"},"dateDigested":1532767496,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"comments","description":"Positive: The plot base is very intriguing and really creates an air of mystery. Most of the descriptions are amazing, really puts the reader inside the story.
\n
\nNegative: Some of the sentences are choppy, and it seems like you use a bit too many "big" words, cut it down a little, but not too much. Also revise a little more, some sentences had repeating words, type-os, and were confusing.
\n
\nReally good job!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}