Most sixteen-year-old girls are not thrilled to spend their entire summer in the middle of nowhere, but for me, I loved the Connecticut beach town more then my own home. While the beach itself could not be more than 100 meters long, it is a place away from judgment and responsibilities. It is a place for ice cream and fireworks, sandcastles and crabs, early morning adventures and late night escapades. Since before I was born, my family has rented the same pine sided cottage a few blocks in from the coast. When I was away from the crisp, salty air, I felt like a fish out of water. As the calendar rolled into July, the lack of humidity in the air invigorated my lungs. Having never been one for air conditioning, I spent many summer days beneath the old oak tree on the Fenwick peninsula. Listening to Theo tell me stories or play the guitar was my best attempt at making the heat bearable. That day however, the crisp, invigorating taste of spring was still remnant in the air. I had been anxious all day, waiting to see my best friend’s floppy golden hair come bouncing down the cement steps, which connected the street to the beach below. Theo was due to arrive any moment, and I could not wait to fill him in on my past year. In my head, I could picture his dorky smile, which always made me glow inside, and his wiry arms waving around in excitement as he described his own adventures back in upstate New York. Lying on my fluffy green towel, the warm sun felt like melted butter on my back and the golden rays ran through my blood stream. Spreading my arms and legs out, I tried to soak in as much of the sun as possible. Racing back and forth, my mind spun in attempt to picture how Theo looked that year, and what I should tell him first. By the time July had faded to August, he would know my entire life story, but I wanted to start with a bang. “Ruby!” As Theo ran up to embrace me in a huge bear hug, it was as though all the pieces of a puzzle that I never knew existed were falling into place. I could not help but note that gorgeously toned muscles had replaced his lanky limbs. Through all the joy of the reunion, I tried to render the strength to slow my rapid heartbeat, and destroy the completed puzzle before I had a chance to embrace the picture it bore. It had been a few hours since our reunion, and Theo and I had easily settled into a game of frisbee on the quiet road lining the beach. Running to catch the flying disk, my curly red mane flew behind me like a sail. For the first time in forever, I was acutely aware of Theo’s presence behind me. As I brought the frisbee back to him, so that we could grab money for the ice cream truck rolling merrily down the street, my batting eyelashes and playful touch were completely involuntary. Not only was I surrendering the frisbee, but my self control as well. Three separate jetties spaced evenly along the beach protruded into the ocean. After selecting our favorite eatable characters and peeling off the wrappers, Theo and I strolled out to end of end of the longest rocky pier. There, in addition to the Sound, I was able to glimpse the greenish blob, also known as Long Island, which stretched along the horizon. “So, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…” Although I was listening, I was too absorbed in my Tweety Bird Popsicle to fully comprehend the foreign tone that had entered Theo’s voice. When his words finally came, they were barely audible: “I have a girlfriend. We’ve been together for about a month now.” Suddenly, my popsicle had become fish food. ** As I rode my bike round and round through the small maze of streets, I tried to calm my self and figure out what to do. Obviously, out of respect for Theo’s relationship, it was my duty to back off. When I had almost convinced myself that it was possible for things to go back to normal, I realized that having already surrendered to the flood of hormones within me, there was no turning back. If I became the jealous friend, I would lose him, but if I put on a false face, we would be living a lie. For the first time in what was literally forever, the sensation of coexisting with Theo vanished. When I reached the hill on Mohican Road, I pumped ferociously before letting myself fly. As the air rushed through my hair, I yearned that it could take my problems away with it. Peddling slowly round the corner and back to my house to grab a pen and some paper, my red polished toes were starting to pay the price of riding for two hours. Despite the ache, adrenaline filled my bloodstream; I had finally generated a plan.Although I knew that my subpar writing skills were nothing in comparison to Theo’s creative talents, I knew I had to try. A literary explanation was one he would best understand. Back at the beach, I sat on a weathered bench and watched the sun sinking along the horizon. As a breath-taking palette of purple, red, orange and yellow filled the sky, I searched for the right words. In order to create a clean break, free of confusion and misinterpretation, I had to convey my feelings as clearly as possible. Finally, when I felt as though I had accurately captured my thoughts, I sealed them in an envelope and wrote Theo’s name in my best imitation of an elegant scrawl across the front. Theo, Honesty has always been our policy, which is why I must confess that I no longer love you as just a friend. If I could think straight, I would be able to respect the fact that you have a girlfriend. Lately, however, whenever I’m around you my thought becomes anything but rational. Because we’ve always been so close, I can’t imagine being able to guard or withhold my emotions from you. Maybe in some time, when I have gotten over this, we can be friends again, just like always.For now, I think it will be best for us to give each other some space. Love, Ruby As the last bit of flame disappeared behind the horizon, I jumped on my bike to head home. However, I first had to make a quick stop. The sudden, omnipresent darkness of the night covered my world like a thick blanket. Despite the fact that I could barely see my hand in front of my face, I had no troubles arriving at my destination. Leaning my bike against the picket fence, I inhaled deeply and started towards the front door. Gingerly placing the sealed letter on Theo’s doorstep, I rang the doorbell, jumped on my bike and rode away before anyone came to the door, or before I had a chance to take the letter back. A bandit in the night, I could not help but remember the countless games of cops and robbers we used to play with the neighborhood kids. Even as a young boy, Theo had been invincible. *** When I arrived home, despite my earlier biking, my emotional state left me feeling like a wind up toy wound to its extent, yet restrained from dashing across the floor. To be alone with my thoughts at that particular moment was a terrifying concept. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my iPod. Even though Guster’s happy music usually placates my thoughts, that night its blissful ignorance only seemed to mock me. Desperate for comfort, I decided that enough was enough, and I was out the door. Hoping on my bike, I rolled down to Katherine Hepburn’s old residence to watch the daybreak Away from the modern conveniences of life, the Fenwick Peninsula had the appearance of being frozen in time. Despite my frequent visits, the Victorian “cottage” standing tall and majestic, yet natural and modest before the Long Island Sound never ceased to impress me. The salty taste grew more potent as I made my way across the spacious yard and through the golden rod that bushed against my legs. Everything was still. Even the chorus of the crickets did not reverberate through my thoughts as normal. Although the Sound was never particularly wild, tonight it was a sheet of black ice. Proud and purposeful in the distance, two lighthouses offered their sweeping light as the only source of movement. Afraid to disturb the stillness of the night, I wept silently. Having moved several times during my childhood, I had never been close to anybody like I had been close to Theo. Equally as painful was knowing that I alone had caused this tragedy. Uncontrollable and inescapable, my emotions were the single factor that had sealed my fate. To mark a distinct starting point in our relationship was easy. As a seven year old, my mother finally permitted me to ride on the entirety of our street by myself. As I frequently did, I allowed my curiosity and passion for action to get the best of me, and I began to test the extent of my rapidity. Boy I was flying all right, flying right into the pavement. Nursing my skinned knee, I frantically tried to think of a story to tell my mother so that she would continue to allow my solitary biking adventures. I did not even notice the wiry little boy with floppy golden hair come up behind me. In his hands, he had one of those double stick popsicles, and it was cherry, my favorite flavor. Swiftly as a seven year old can manage, he split the popsicle in half and offered me a share. In that moment, I knew he would be my friend forever. “No. No. No. You can’t keep digging the grave deeper for yourself.” I sighed irately before attempting once again to calm myself down. “Talking to yourself again?” a tentative voice, eager to lighten the mood quivered from behind me. Startled, I spun around to see the very face that had been on my mind like corn on the cob. The shock quickly faded; it was no surprise that Theo knew exactly where to find me. “I got your note…,” he offered, and my face flushed to match the color of my nail polish. For a brief moment, the engulfing silence returned, before the very words that would both tear me apart and put me together again skipped across the sea, just like the rocks in one of our annual competitions. “You can’t do this to me.” I was not used to such pleas coming from Theo, which made their impact on me even greater. To see him adopt a concerned look in his eyes when he recognized that I had been crying simply made me fall even deeper for him. While I was yearning to tell him not to worry, to tell him that there was no other way, I knew that the second I opened my mouth, I would be releasing an uncontrollable mass of water works. Before my internal debate became too heated, Theo’s quivering voice captured my attention. “I have a confession too. There is no girlfriend. I felt terrible about lying to you, but I figured that by putting a physical barrier between us, I would be able to keep things the way they were.” “After getting your letter, I couldn’t sleep knowing that I was losing you, which was the exact thing I was trying to prevent. I was terrified, Ruby. The truth is… you’re not the only one who has changed this summer; I love you.” There was no mistaking the passion in Theo’s eyes for the glimmer of sunlight that they reflected. I then knew what they meant in the movies about the ability for the heart to both speed up and stop beating in a single moment. After a few moments, the words Theo had uttered finally sunk in. Before I knew what happened, my arms were around Theo’s neck, and his kiss sent a jolt of electricity to my fingers and toes. The rest of the world ceased to exist, and it didn’t matter because in my arms was everything I ever needed. An hour since I left home, I did not even notice that the sun was just beginning to peak out from behind the lighthouses, because I had fallen asleep in Theo’s arms.
As the calendar rolled into July, the lack of humidity in the air invigorated my lungs. Having never been one for air conditioning, I spent many summer days beneath the old oak tree on the Fenwick peninsula. Listening to Theo tell me stories or play the guitar was my best attempt at making the heat bearable. That day however, the crisp, invigorating taste of spring was still remnant in the air.
I had been anxious all day, waiting to see my best friend’s floppy golden hair come bouncing down the cement steps, which connected the street to the beach below. Theo was due to arrive any moment, and I could not wait to fill him in on my past year. In my head, I could picture his dorky smile, which always made me glow inside, and his wiry arms waving around in excitement as he described his own adventures back in upstate New York.
Lying on my fluffy green towel, the warm sun felt like melted butter on my back and the golden rays ran through my blood stream. Spreading my arms and legs out, I tried to soak in as much of the sun as possible. Racing back and forth, my mind spun in attempt to picture how Theo looked that year, and what I should tell him first. By the time July had faded to August, he would know my entire life story, but I wanted to start with a bang.
“Ruby!”
As Theo ran up to embrace me in a huge bear hug, it was as though all the pieces of a puzzle that I never knew existed were falling into place. I could not help but note that gorgeously toned muscles had replaced his lanky limbs. Through all the joy of the reunion, I tried to render the strength to slow my rapid heartbeat, and destroy the completed puzzle before I had a chance to embrace the picture it bore.
It had been a few hours since our reunion, and Theo and I had easily settled into a game of frisbee on the quiet road lining the beach. Running to catch the flying disk, my curly red mane flew behind me like a sail. For the first time in forever, I was acutely aware of Theo’s presence behind me. As I brought the frisbee back to him, so that we could grab money for the ice cream truck rolling merrily down the street, my batting eyelashes and playful touch were completely involuntary. Not only was I surrendering the frisbee, but my self control as well.
Three separate jetties spaced evenly along the beach protruded into the ocean. After selecting our favorite eatable characters and peeling off the wrappers, Theo and I strolled out to end of end of the longest rocky pier. There, in addition to the Sound, I was able to glimpse the greenish blob, also known as Long Island, which stretched along the horizon.
“So, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…” Although I was listening, I was too absorbed in my Tweety Bird Popsicle to fully comprehend the foreign tone that had entered Theo’s voice. When his words finally came, they were barely audible: “I have a girlfriend. We’ve been together for about a month now.” Suddenly, my popsicle had become fish food.
**
As I rode my bike round and round through the small maze of streets, I tried to calm my self and figure out what to do. Obviously, out of respect for Theo’s relationship, it was my duty to back off. When I had almost convinced myself that it was possible for things to go back to normal, I realized that having already surrendered to the flood of hormones within me, there was no turning back. If I became the jealous friend, I would lose him, but if I put on a false face, we would be living a lie. For the first time in what was literally forever, the sensation of coexisting with Theo vanished. When I reached the hill on Mohican Road, I pumped ferociously before letting myself fly. As the air rushed through my hair, I yearned that it could take my problems away with it.
Peddling slowly round the corner and back to my house to grab a pen and some paper, my red polished toes were starting to pay the price of riding for two hours. Despite the ache, adrenaline filled my bloodstream; I had finally generated a plan. Although I knew that my subpar writing skills were nothing in comparison to Theo’s creative talents, I knew I had to try. A literary explanation was one he would best understand.
Back at the beach, I sat on a weathered bench and watched the sun sinking along the horizon. As a breath-taking palette of purple, red, orange and yellow filled the sky, I searched for the right words. In order to create a clean break, free of confusion and misinterpretation, I had to convey my feelings as clearly as possible. Finally, when I felt as though I had accurately captured my thoughts, I sealed them in an envelope and wrote Theo’s name in my best imitation of an elegant scrawl across the front.
Theo,
Honesty has always been our policy, which is why I must confess that I no longer love you as just a friend.
If I could think straight, I would be able to respect the fact that you have a girlfriend. Lately, however, whenever I’m around you my thought becomes anything but rational. Because we’ve always been so close, I can’t imagine being able to guard or withhold my emotions from you.
Maybe in some time, when I have gotten over this, we can be friends again, just like always. For now, I think it will be best for us to give each other some space.
Love,
Ruby
As the last bit of flame disappeared behind the horizon, I jumped on my bike to head home. However, I first had to make a quick stop. The sudden, omnipresent darkness of the night covered my world like a thick blanket. Despite the fact that I could barely see my hand in front of my face, I had no troubles arriving at my destination.
Leaning my bike against the picket fence, I inhaled deeply and started towards the front door. Gingerly placing the sealed letter on Theo’s doorstep, I rang the doorbell, jumped on my bike and rode away before anyone came to the door, or before I had a chance to take the letter back. A bandit in the night, I could not help but remember the countless games of cops and robbers we used to play with the neighborhood kids. Even as a young boy, Theo had been invincible.
***
When I arrived home, despite my earlier biking, my emotional state left me feeling like a wind up toy wound to its extent, yet restrained from dashing across the floor. To be alone with my thoughts at that particular moment was a terrifying concept. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my iPod. Even though Guster’s happy music usually placates my thoughts, that night its blissful ignorance only seemed to mock me. Desperate for comfort, I decided that enough was enough, and I was out the door. Hoping on my bike, I rolled down to Katherine Hepburn’s old residence to watch the daybreak
Away from the modern conveniences of life, the Fenwick Peninsula had the appearance of being frozen in time. Despite my frequent visits, the Victorian “cottage” standing tall and majestic, yet natural and modest before the Long Island Sound never ceased to impress me. The salty taste grew more potent as I made my way across the spacious yard and through the golden rod that bushed against my legs.
Everything was still. Even the chorus of the crickets did not reverberate through my thoughts as normal. Although the Sound was never particularly wild, tonight it was a sheet of black ice. Proud and purposeful in the distance, two lighthouses offered their sweeping light as the only source of movement.
Afraid to disturb the stillness of the night, I wept silently. Having moved several times during my childhood, I had never been close to anybody like I had been close to Theo. Equally as painful was knowing that I alone had caused this tragedy. Uncontrollable and inescapable, my emotions were the single factor that had sealed my fate.
To mark a distinct starting point in our relationship was easy. As a seven year old, my mother finally permitted me to ride on the entirety of our street by myself. As I frequently did, I allowed my curiosity and passion for action to get the best of me, and I began to test the extent of my rapidity. Boy I was flying all right, flying right into the pavement. Nursing my skinned knee, I frantically tried to think of a story to tell my mother so that she would continue to allow my solitary biking adventures. I did not even notice the wiry little boy with floppy golden hair come up behind me. In his hands, he had one of those double stick popsicles, and it was cherry, my favorite flavor. Swiftly as a seven year old can manage, he split the popsicle in half and offered me a share. In that moment, I knew he would be my friend forever.
“No. No. No. You can’t keep digging the grave deeper for yourself.” I sighed irately before attempting once again to calm myself down.
“Talking to yourself again?” a tentative voice, eager to lighten the mood quivered from behind me.
Startled, I spun around to see the very face that had been on my mind like corn on the cob. The shock quickly faded; it was no surprise that Theo knew exactly where to find me.
“I got your note…,” he offered, and my face flushed to match the color of my nail polish.
For a brief moment, the engulfing silence returned, before the very words that would both tear me apart and put me together again skipped across the sea, just like the rocks in one of our annual competitions.
“You can’t do this to me.” I was not used to such pleas coming from Theo, which made their impact on me even greater.
To see him adopt a concerned look in his eyes when he recognized that I had been crying simply made me fall even deeper for him. While I was yearning to tell him not to worry, to tell him that there was no other way, I knew that the second I opened my mouth, I would be releasing an uncontrollable mass of water works. Before my internal debate became too heated, Theo’s quivering voice captured my attention.
“I have a confession too. There is no girlfriend. I felt terrible about lying to you, but I figured that by putting a physical barrier between us, I would be able to keep things the way they were.”
“After getting your letter, I couldn’t sleep knowing that I was losing you, which was the exact thing I was trying to prevent. I was terrified, Ruby. The truth is… you’re not the only one who has changed this summer; I love you.”
There was no mistaking the passion in Theo’s eyes for the glimmer of sunlight that they reflected. I then knew what they meant in the movies about the ability for the heart to both speed up and stop beating in a single moment. After a few moments, the words Theo had uttered finally sunk in.
Before I knew what happened, my arms were around Theo’s neck, and his kiss sent a jolt of electricity to my fingers and toes. The rest of the world ceased to exist, and it didn’t matter because in my arms was everything I ever needed.
An hour since I left home, I did not even notice that the sun was just beginning to peak out from behind the lighthouses, because I had fallen asleep in Theo’s arms.